A Man Has Got The Right

Sgt Ward: How many times we gotta through this kind of report Oz? Those men want me to press charges! That boxer needs to be locked up!

Ozzie: You don't mean that. Sweetieface is a lovable dog. She won't hurt a fly...

Sgt Ward: Unless that damn fly would dare to bother you or that other mutt. (Pointing at Pedro)

Pedro: He calls me a mutt? Have you seen his wife?

Ozzie: Be nice.

Sgt Ward saw that Ozzie directed his comment to the Dog. Not again. It drove Ward crazy when Ozzie did that crap.

Sgt Ward: Please Oz, don't start up with the dogs.

Ozzie: You want me to just let Pedro insult your wife? You should'a heard what he just said.

Sgt Ward: I don't wanna hear about it. That crazy Boxer practically chewed off everything that guy will ever care about!

Ozzie: They came in here armed. I warned them not to pull their weapons, and when they did, well...Sweetie protected me, and took care of the situation.

Sgt Ward: There will come a day when that guy realizes he's never gonna have kids, he'll probably be back to kill you both. What was their beef anyways?

Ozzie: I was hired by Loverboy's wife to find out if he was foolin' around. She was heading outta town, and wanted me to keep an eye on him. Loverboy turned out to be quite the man of action, and had various house guest and bought them gifts with her money.

Sgt Ward: And you turned over that report to his wife.

Ozzie: Loverboy didn't like it.

Sgt Ward: I'm not a big fan of this private detective business of yours Oz.

Ozzie: You didn't mind when we found that missing girl last month, did you?

Sgt Ward: You were lucky.

Pedro: Lucky my ass! I tracked that girl for three miles in the freakin rain!

Ozzie: Pedro does not share your analysis of his rescue of that toddler.

Sgt Ward: I'm not interested in Pedro's opinion Oz. I get almost a daily call from citizens complaining about that damn dog! Why do you let him scare little old ladies?

Pedro had a mischievous side to him, and enjoyed a timely "bark attack". The dogs traveled everywhere with Ozzie, usually with their heads stuck out the window of Ozzie's old Buick. Pedro loved, and I mean loved, to watch for older gals to be standing on a street corner, just minding their own business. Then, just as they would reach the unsuspecting lady on the street corner, Pedro would shock them with several sharp and loud barks, usually leaving the startled old lady with her groceries on the ground.

Of course Ozzie would scold Pedro when he'd do this, but could not help but be amused at the look Pedro would get...something akin to a sheepish look, almost like his was grinning or chuckling to himself. Freakin' dog looked like Don Rickles when he did that.

Pedro: It's a weakness, what can I say? Besides, it's good to give them old girlie's a bit of a stir. Some of them gals haven't been stirred since Reagan was in office.

Ozzie: Pedro has an ornery side to him but he is a damn good investigator.

Sgt Ward: Oh please Oz! I told you, I don't have time for that crap today. I have to figure out how to tell the Captain why I am not having that Boxer put down for chomping off a mans penis!

Pedro: I think Muscle man's penis will survive Oz...he'll just fire blanks from now on.

Ozzie: Not now Pedro.

Sgt Ward grabbed at an overturned chair and sat down, somewhat exasperated. Ozzie was a pain in the ass...and yet, this quirky detective, and his damn dogs, had solved several crimes the past three years.

Sweetieface came over at sat next to him and waged her little tail. Ward knew the dog was conning him, but he couldn't resist and gently rubbed her head. These dogs, and this goofy Ozzie, had sure helped on hard cases recently. There was the bank robbery Ozzie solved before the FBI could even get to the scene, car theft, two rapes, and of course, the missing toddler, and others. The trio were becoming the talk of the town, and that was both good and bad.

Ozzie ... or Pedro if you would believe such nonsense, had also alerted the town to a hidden gas leak, that would have been dangerous had it gone much longer undetected. Then Ozzie blabbed to the freaking newspaper that Pedro had discovered the leak and told him about it!

Ozzie seemed to truly enjoy pretending to be crazy, but it was making his life miserable. And, what was he gonna do about this loveable and terrifying Boxer?!

The Sergent could not help but appreciate Sweetieface. She had become a town hero when she rescued an unconscious rafter from the White River in Glenwood Canyon. The rescue had been quite spectacular, with Sweetieface clutching the drowning woman by her life preserver and swimming against the rapids to save her, all caught on camera of course. However, today was not Sweetie's first occurrence of injuring someone who would try and harm Ozzie.

Sgt Ward: God, I wish you were normal. You are gonna drive me crazy Oz.

Ozzie: I am as normal as I need to be.

Pedro: That is a matter of opinion.

Ozzie: No one asked you butthead.

The veteran cop couldn't' help but laugh. He tried not to, but watching this goofy, and maybe even brilliant man and his dogs, was just too much at times.

Sgt Ward: How did you happen to train this dog to be such a ferocious fighter Oz?

Ozzie: I had nothing to do with that. Pedro trained her.

Sgt Ward: (Slapping his hands hard against his legs) Damn it man! You're gonna drive me to retire or move.

Ozzie: Why ask questions Mike? Sweetie is just a freak of nature, as we all are. I don't pretend to understand it.

Sgt Ward: Kinda hard to understand when one of your dogs is chewing off some bad guy's nuts, and the other dog likes to scare old ladies. I am also tired of getting calls from your neighbor.

Ozzie; What's she whining about now?

Sgt Ward: Give me a break! You go out with your dogs every morning, and you...you all take a nice wiss. Right out there in your yard!

Ozzie: A man has got the right to pee on his own damn tree.

Pedro: That old woman comes out each morning just to watch you Oz. I think she likes ya.

Ozzie: That's not funny Pedro.

Sgt Ward: I gotta get outta here.