Sweetieface to The Rescue

Ozzie managed to get to his office by 10am. The only reason Ozzie came in that early was to hear Rush Limbaugh on the radio. When Rush was on vacation, Ozzie would not bother to go to work until after lunch. Besides, if someone wanted to talk to him, they could call him.

Ozzie only pretended to keep an office to give his wife a break. Although she had tolerated his strange ways for more than ten years, Ozzie was convinced that Salina needed real time away from the weirdness.

Ozzie had turned on the radio, and sat back in his office chair, and sipped at his coffee when he noticed two men heading toward the office from across the street. He immediately recognized the shorter of the two men.

Ozzie: Hey guys, we have company.

Pedro and Sweetie immediately came to attention.

Pedro: Oh great! It's lover boy.

Ozzie: Quiet! He's probably pissed. Looks like he brought some muscle with him. (Ozzie turns to Sweetieface as the Boxer steadied her gaze on the two men crossing the street.) Now Sweetie, if trouble comes, don't overdo it. Just wound 'em, don't kill 'em!

Pedro: She ain't no killer.

Ozzie: That's what you tell me.

The two men, with the shorter man, "Loverboy" in the lead, came through the office door. The pair did not look happy.

Loverboy: You Anderson?

Ozzie: Well, well. Look who we have here Pedro, Loverboy, and he's brought along a muscle bound friend.

Loverboy: You have caused me a great deal of difficulty.

Pedro: They are packin'.

Ozzie: I see that.

Loverboy: What?

Ozzie: Pedro, my dog ... (pointing over at Pedro, who studied the two men intensely) ... he just told me you two guys are carrying weapons.

Loverboy: (chuckles a bit) Oh he did? I've heard about you and your stupid dogs Anderson. You like to follow guys around and peek in windows.

Ozzie: I didn't have to follow you anywhere. You had women coming over to your house while your wife visited her sick mother. I really didn't want to peek in your windows, so I had Pedro do the window peeking.

Loverboy: I don't find any of this amusing.

Ozzie: Neither do I, believe me, Pedro told me you like to play dress up and get your ass spanked. I'll pass on watching that if ya don't mind.

The two visitors tightened up. Both making motions like they were going to reach for their poorly concealed weapons.

Ozzie: Careful men. If you reach for those weapons, that Boxer will tear you apart.

Muscle: She don't look so tough to me.

Ozzie: Looks can be deceiving. But Sweetie takes her work seriously, so do be careful. I'd hate for you two guys to get hurt.

Loverboy: We're not worried. If those dogs make a move towards us, they'll get a bullet in the head. You should be worried about yourself detective.

Pedro: You realize that this idiot is enough of a weenie to start trouble, right? Let Sweetie loose, and let's be done with it.

Ozzie: (Ozzie sat back in his chair, and looked at Loverboy straight in the eyes.) What is it you men want?

Loverboy: That's easy. You're gonna give my wife a new report. You're gonna explain that you're a nutcase, and that you made the whole thing up. You'll explain that your having problems, ... off your medication, I don't care, but you are damn well gonna convince her that you made a mistake...or....

Pedro: He doesn't want to lose his wife's money.

Ozzie: Pedro tells me that you are in danger of losing your wife's money. That's right isn't it? She has the dough and you have ...

Pedro: ...a tiny little pecker and has to buy women expensive gifts to get laid?.

Ozzie laughs.

Loverboy: What's so damn funny?

Ozzie: Oh Pedro just told me why you have to bribe women for sex.

Muscle: You're gonna laugh once too often funny man. (Muscle moved slightly towards the desk, and Sweetieface stood and let out a low growl).

Ozzie: I will once again warn you about making any attempts to pull out any weapons or hurt me in any way. That Boxer is nuts.

Pedro: Don't say that ... she's just dedicated is all.

Ozzie: (Ozzie turns towards Pedro as he sat at stern attention next to his desk) Okay, okay, she's just dedicated.

Loverboy: You like to talk to your dogs huh? You know what? You are nuts, but nuts or not, you are gonna write a new report for my wife, or you and your doggies are gonna have a bad accident.

Ozzie: I have a feeling this is going to end badly.

Pedro: Quit screwin' around. Let Sweetie take care of them.

Ozzie: (Ignoring Pedro) I have a suggestion for you, and if you have any brains, you'll take my suggestion.

Loverboy: (Moving closer to Ozzie) And what is your suggestion?

Ozzie: Pal...you need to just straighten up. Go home and apologize to your wife, stop screwing women in her bed when she isn't around.

Pedro: And she loves you even though you're hung like a mouse.

Ozzie: Stop it Pedro! You're just gonna make him mad.

Loverboy: You're a fruitcake.

Ozzie: No...now take it easy here. But Pedro was right. You should be glad that a woman of any means would tolerate a lazy bastard with tiny dick.

The Muscle had reached his limit and went for the handgun under his sport coat. He never managed to even draw his gun as suddenly a brown and white blur flew across the room. Sweetieface, with a fantastic burst of speed and energy, charged across the small office and threw her body at the head and neck of the Muscle man. He was caught off guard, and fell backwards over the coffee bar and copy machine, crashing to the floor.

Pedro charged at Loverboy and bit him as hard as he could right on the shin, and suddenly both Loverboy and Muscle were crying out with pain. Sweetie made another hard charge and crashed into Loverboy just as he tried to grab his weapon from the floor. Both Sweetieface and Loverboy crashed over Ozzie's desk and onto the floor.

The Muscle had recovered and aimed a 9mm at Ozzie. Sweetieface charged at the big man and caught him right in the crotch, and bit down hard. The Muscle man let out a scream, more of a roar... a roar that could have been heard for blocks. The Boxer would not let go of Muscle man's privates, and shook her head violently from side to side. Again, the big fella screamed in pain.

Pedro had moved over to stand on the chest of the now stunned Loverboy.

Pedro: Better tell them to back off, or Sweetie will neuter that guy!.

Ozzie: Back off Loverboy! Or that dog will ruin your friend. Understand?

Loverboy: Okay! Okay!

Ozzie: Sweetie let 'em go!

The Boxer let go of her deadly grip of what was Muscle man's manly parts. The big man laid on the ground and moaned loudly. Ozzie reached for his cell phone, and soon a friendly voice answered: "Glenwood Police, this is Sgt Mike Ward."

Ozzie: Hey pal, this is Ozzie Anderson. You better get over here to my office.

Sgt Ward: I really don't want to hear that you and your dogs are causing problems again Oz.

Ozzie: We didn't start anything Mike. Better hurry, and call an ambulance.

Sgt Ward: Ambulance?